


Social Engineering My Way to Your Heart

by kowaidesuka



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: ... kinda, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Office, Background Sylvain/Felix - Freeform, Corporate Espionage, M/M, Technobabble, Those Who Slither in the Dark is a hacker group, if you thought my other fics were self-indulgent... oh buddy, what if we... held hands... in the server room?, white-hat hacking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:02:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23164438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kowaidesuka/pseuds/kowaidesuka
Summary: Which brought Ashe back to the elevator going up to the top floor where the Enbarr branch of Adrestria Corporation resided. He nearly didn't make it; there was about a 20% chance his fake card wouldn't work with the system - what with Ingrid fumbling around Dorothea that night - so it was better to subtly tail an employee and use the fake access card as a last resort.And, he had to admit to himself, the mark he had chosen was… kind of cute, actually. But what was with that giant bag of cat food he had lugged behind him?------Or: the white-hat hacker Ashe and office vigilante Caspar fic that no one asked for.
Relationships: Caspar von Bergliez/Ashe Duran | Ashe Ubert, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 64





	Social Engineering My Way to Your Heart

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is coming in at the tail end of Ashe week _and_ was a birthday fic I finished in late February for my fellow cat dad enthusiast friend Ari but I've actually been sitting on this idea for about... oh, 11 months?? 
> 
> Basically I had this seminar on white-hat hacking where the presenter talked about social engineering techniques she and a bunch of other security companies did, where they are hired to pretend to be someone else and break into somewhere or steal something from the office and it's up to the employees to be like, 'wait hol' up' and stop them. And my pea brain was like "okay but imagine ur otp". 
> 
> I was debating using this idea for other pairings but ultimately with how neat (and adorable) Ashe and Caspar's support chain was, I thought this idea might fit them. hope y'all enjoy ^^

_Today's the day,_ Ashe thought to himself, trying not to fidget as he stepped into the elevator. Several weeks of planning had led up to this moment; from overhearing conversations between von Varley and von Aegir (the man had no volume control, literally everyone in the vicinity could hear his complaints boom throughout the building lobby), to painstakingly replicating the patented Adrestia Corporation lanyard and access pass (he definitely had to thank Ingrid for helping him hack Arnault’s pass).

“And one final step,” Sylvain had declared with a grin, brandishing the items in his hands. “Glasses…” He plonked the fake prescription lenses on top of Ashe’s downy grey hair, Ashe fixing it to place on the bridge of his nose. “And… lock picking kit!”

“Wouldn’t that count as two final steps?” Annette laughed.

Ashe took the kit and quickly shoved it in the hidden pocket of his coat.

Graduating college as an Engineering major, he would have never expected his two worlds to collide like this. The life he led currently, of a dutiful son to his adoptive father, Lonato, where he had been able to attend the most prestigious university in the country - and the life of a kid sneaking through the streets, desperate to support his family, to make sure his little brother and sister didn’t go to bed hungry. 

He wasn’t exactly proud of the petty theft he had engaged in, even during his youth, when he had to swallow down his guilt every time he pawned off pickpocketed jewellery, or stuff pieces of fruit into the folds of his hoodie to give to his siblings, or picking at locks of cars and buildings, looking for electronic parts to resell. The singular time he got caught in his crime spree was also his last time… the time he had broken into Lonato’s house. After that, he had no need to ever engage in it, or even speak of it. That is, until he stupidly said yes to drinks out with his co-workers at Faerghus Security Solutions in an attempt to bond with his new coworkers. 

(Did he mention he was an extremely sloppy drunk?)

He was giggling along with the rest of them at Annette’s loud outburst of “WHAT?” in response to Felix taking a shot at her prompt. Some of the nearby bar patrons had turned to look at the group, but it was mostly lost amongst the buzz of chatter and loud music overhead.

“It was the damn boar’s fault.” Felix scowled, shooting daggers across at Dimitri who seemed composed, save for his rosy cheeks. 

“What? I don’t remember this happening,” the blond said, confused.

“Come on, Dimitri? Senior year? When we played Truth or Dare out in the woods?” Ingrid prompted, lukewarm shot glass forgotten as she took another sip of her beer. She hadn’t been able to participate in the game much, but she was determined to have a good time nonetheless.

“Oh, that’s right!”

On the other end of the spectrum, Sylvain had been downing shots for nearly everything that night. He slung his arm around Felix, practically yelling in his ear, “And then I- and I- I just- I TOOK ALL YOUR CLOTHES AND RAN!” He wheezed as his boyfriend’s elbow slammed into his side.

Sitting on the other side of Sylvain, Mercedes gracefully plucked the shot glass from between his arms and replaced it with a glass full of water. “Okay, I think that’s enough for you, Sylvain,” she said, smiling serenely and pointedly ignoring his whining. Surprisingly, Mercedes had taken the most shots after Sylvain, but seemed to be taking everything like a champ.

“I just can’t believe that you, Felix, of all people, skinny dipped!” Annette exclaimed, still astonished. 

“Well, it happened. I did it. Can we move on now?” he snapped.

“Fine, grumpy pants.” She blinked and shook her head a little before pointing at Dedue, who was sitting in between Felix and Dimitri. “Your turn, Dedue!”

“Pass.”

“Oh, come on Dedue!” Dimitri groaned. “You’ve been passing your turn all night!”

Dedue quirked an eyebrow at him. “I’m your designated driver. I’ve been passing because I wasn’t playing.” He gestured toward his own glass of water. “I don’t really have much to offer anyway. I’m not good with being put on the spot.”

“I admit, neither am I,” the blond said. “That’s why I looked up a list of prompts to say.” He grinned proudly, passing his phone to Dedue. Felix huffed at that, rolling his eyes.

After a few moments of deliberation, he said, “Never have I ever been arrested.” Ashe took a shot before he could stop himself, slamming the glass down as the rest of the group stared in shock. A feeling of uneasiness settled within him. “Um…” he began. “I can explain…”

“You- you better!” Ingrid exclaimed, while Sylvain started to laugh. “Who knew sweet little Ashe had a bad side?” the redhead voiced to the group.

“Uh, well…” he started, trying to hold back a snicker. Damn Sylvain and his contagious laughter. “It’s a long story. So you all know how I was adopted, right?” At everyone’s nods, he continued. “So, um, before Lonato became my dad, I kind of… broke into his house to steal from him?”

Mercedes blinked. “Oh, wow.”

“And, well, I got caught and he was all like, ‘Look, you’re not in trouble or anything’ but then my brother Christophe - well, he wasn’t my brother back then - he came in and freaked out and called the police.” His eyes cast down to the bottom of his glass. “So, yeah, I got brought into the station but then Lonato dropped the charges after I explained and then he adopted me. Actually, now that I think about it, that wasn’t really a long story.” He snickered at that, the liquor making him feel warm and lightheaded.

Silence. All eyes on him. 

"Um, was I meant to disclose this during my interview? I'm sorry, I understand if you're going to be wary about me in the future," he babbled.

"No, no! Nothing like that at all!" Dimitri said quickly. "In fact…" A smile appeared on his face. "This might be good. For the both of us."

"Uh… what?"

"So Ashe," Sylvain said, "How would you like to take on a slightly different role?"

\------

A year ago, Lambert, the head of Faerghus Security Solutions, heard about a new form of white-hat hacking for external companies. 

“You see, dear Ashe, in the good old days, we used to do pen testing, maybe run a few DoS attacks, then call it a day,” Sylvain explained, flicking through the presentation slides displayed on the screen. “But nowadays, we found that the problem isn’t with the computer systems-”

“It’s with the humans,” Felix finished, looking disdainful. “They’re weak-minded, vulnerable, and insecure.”

_Social engineering,_ Ashe read from the slide. 

“So, the long and short of it is, we pretend to be other people and con workers from companies to grant us access to their systems,” the red-headed man continued. “But like… for good, I mean. Not for nefarious purposes. Just so we could prove it could happen, and point out any weaknesses the company might have.”

“That’s… that’s a thing?” Ashe questioned.

“I thought the same thing when my father introduced the idea to me,” Dimitri admitted. “But we’ve offered to do red team testing for a few of our more regular clients, and… well, it takes such a long time to prepare, but honestly, it’s kind of fun.” He chuckled. 

“It’s mostly been Felix and me doing the actual site visits,” Sylvain said. “Dimitri’s too well known thanks to him being the heir to a million-dollar company and having his face plastered everywhere. Ingrid has tried once but…” He shook his head. “She’s a disaster at acting.” He swerved to the side to avoid the blonde girl swatting at him.

“I’m more suited to research and prep work anyway,” she said to Ashe, head turned to glare at Sylvain.

“Mostly, we try to get access to their system, server room, passwords, confidential documents… anything that would compromise their security,” Dimitri said.

“Felix is a champ at stealing those wheelie bins full of shredded papers,” Sylvain said gleefully as he wrapped his arms around his boyfriend. The man in question looked dour, even while he was praised. “This sounds really bad but… he has, like, the face of a disgruntled custodian.” Ingrid burst out laughing at that. “One time, he even wheeled the bin outside for 2 blocks to our hotel room!” 

The next slides showed a pic of the bin, closed with a padlock, standing out of place next to a queen sized bed, followed by a series of selfies with a grinning Sylvain and a disgruntled Felix wearing what appeared to be a navy jumpsuit, a pile of paper shreds between the two. “We spent the afternoon piecing together a document and emailed a pic of it to Acheron, the dude that runs the company. Oh, man, I wish I could’ve seen his face when he saw it, he was positively _incensed_ to find out his employees failed the test.”

“So, now that you know a little bit more about what we do, how would you like to join our team?” Dimitri asked, turning back to Ashe. “Don’t worry; you don’t have to if you don’t feel up to it. You’re more than welcome to continue working in general cyber security. But…” he smiled. “We could really use a man with your set of skills on our team.”

“Oh… I’m…”

“Come on, Ashe,” Sylvain coaxed. “It’s not every day you get offered the chance to get paid while LARPing.” He winked, knowing that Ashe was a sucker for nerdy stuff like that.

He snorted at that. “You know what? Yes. Yes, I’ll join you guys,” he said, nodding definitively.

Ingrid clapped her hands together in delight, while Dimitri smiled and shook his hand firmly. “Welcome to the team, Ashe.”

So for the next several months, Ashe decided to try his hand at being part of the red team, and the experience was exactly as his team members (and the people he looked up in a deep dive search for all things ‘social engineering’) described. Months of researching the company, covertly investigating the site and its employees, carefully crafting personas… all for a one day pseudo-heist that ended in either success or failure (and if you think about it, failure on their part meant success on the client’s part, so Ashe was okay with losing in that regard).

‘Site visits’, as the team called it, were usually done in pairs, although Felix or Sylvain were adept enough to solo it for smaller tasks. Ashe had gone through several fake identities, ranging from Robin the electrician, to Shannon, the guy the company’s service provider sent to upgrade their wifi… all roles where he played the meek, nervous subordinate to complement and play up his partner-in-not-crime’s confidence. 

(Of course, it helped that in the beginning, the nerves were real.)

Felix and Sylvain each had different ways of manipulating the people they interacted with. Sylvain, normally flirty and charismatic, turned up his salaciousness, winking and throwing quippy one-liners as if his life depended on it. If incessant flirting with the target didn’t work, the red-headed man would then deflate to a more mute, genuine persona, turning skepticism into sympathy as he sighed and mumbled an apology and excuse to start over. Felix’s modus operandi on the other hand was being as curt and blunt as possible, to shake down his marks with intimidation tactics, leaving them too affronted to be properly suspicious of him.

Ashe had never been a good liar, even in his days of petty larceny. He opted for the more cowardly, ‘wait until the lights are out’ approach rather than pickpocket and scam at people’s faces. Soon he became well-adjusted, well-accustomed; it helped that he could use his abilities for good, to play the bad guy for a noble cause. 

Until one day he was thrown a curveball, in the form of the team asking him to do a solo site visit. A new client, Adrestia Corporation, had enlisted the services of their company to do a thorough inspection of their new systems, including, of course, a site visit. 

It was hard to find anyone in Fodlan who hadn’t heard of Adrestia Corporation. Once a mighty and proud trading firm boasting the second highest revenue for companies in the equity income industry, the majority of its clients and the public at large lost faith in the company once word got out that their databases had been hacked by the infamous hacker group, Those Who Slither In The Dark. Over the last few years, the firm underwent a complete corporate structure and leadership overhaul; the old, corrupt company officers tossed out, or rightfully indicted for the various white collar crimes they committed. Adrestia now operated under the regime of one Edelgard von Hresvleg, daughter of the former CEO, Ionius.

And as it turned out, Dimitri’s ex-stepsister.

"Ex… step-sister," Ashe repeated, somewhat perturbed. It was a family dynamic he had not heard of until now.

Dimitri rubbed at the back of his neck, sheepish. "It's a long story, so I'll spare you the details until a later time, if you wish to hear it. We still keep in touch, albeit less frequently than we did as children; she called this in as a favour."

“And you want me to do this… alone?” he asked, heart pounding with unease at the thought.

“We’d love to help, buuut…” Sylvain gave a helpless shrug, the smile on his lips a little strained. “Felix and I know one of the employees. Rather intimately, actually."

"Don't phrase it like that," Felix snapped. He turned to a suddenly flustered Ashe. "We were living in the same dorm block as Dorothea Arnault, one of the newly appointed higher ups. And we… may have also had some overlap in extracurricular activities with her."

"We all participated in drama club together," the redhead supplied helpfully.

" _Sylvain!_ "

"What?" Ashe exclaimed, incredulous.

"I hate you," Felix snapped, but his boyfriend remained unperturbed by the venom in his tone.

"Oh, you should have seen how captivatingly adorable Felix was on the stage," Sylvain said, arms outstretched dramatically. "He was the Marvin to Dorothea's Trina, and I was the Whizzer to his Marvin."

"I _hate_ you."

"Regardless," Dimitri interjected, "she would recognise either of them in a second, which would compromise the situation."

"And I offered to jump in with you instead, but I had to get this," Ingrid waved the NFC reader in her hand, "from her… which similarly would compromise the situation if I were to break in as well."

"Oh? And how exactly did you get your hands on her access pass?" Sylvain questioned, eyes twinkling.

Ingrid's lips were set in a hard line. "Through sheer willpower and determination," was all she offered.

"Excellent work so far, everyone," Dimitri said, as Sylvain mouthed over his shoulder, 'Tell me later!' and Ingrid mouthed back, 'Not a chance!' "I understand that you'd be nervous going about it alone, Ashe, but I truly believe you're capable enough for this," he reassured the grey-haired engineer.

"A-are you sure?"

"Yes, of course."

Ashe bit his lip; the thought of it filled him with trepidation, overwhelming him. But… he had grown these past few months, he had proven to his team and to himself that he was his own force to be reckoned with too, right?

"I'll give it my all," he said earnestly, a pleasant warmth rising inside him as his team gave a little cheer in return.

\------

Which brought Ashe back to the elevator going up to the top floor where the Enbarr branch of Adrestia Corporation resided. He nearly didn't make it; there was about a 20% chance his fake card wouldn't work with the system - what with Ingrid fumbling around Dorothea that night - so it was better to subtly tail an employee and use the fake access card as a last resort.

And, he had to admit to himself, the mark he had chosen was… kind of cute, actually. But what was with that giant bag of cat food he had lugged behind him?

"Hey, dude, what floor?" The blue-haired worker in question said to him, gesturing toward the button panel. It was early morning, yet his tie was loosened already, cuffs unbuttoned and sleeves rolled up.

"Ah, um… floor 48, just like yourself." Ashe supposed he had mainly offered due to the ridiculous amount of lous amount of stuff he was carrying in his arms in preparation for his infiltration - a box of pastries and binders precariously stacked on top of a briefcase held in his arms, one hand keeping a tight grip on a cup of coffee.

“Oh, really? Sweet.” The man’s eyes lit up, intrigued. “You a new hire? I haven’t seen you around the office before.”

“Yes, I am, starting from today. I’m a new junior developer for the UI team.”

“Well, at least you're prepared," he said, inquisitively eyeing up the pile Ashe was carrying.

"Not nearly prepared enough; I seem to have forgotten my cat food," Ashe joked, nodding his head towards the bag dumped on the floor.

"Oh, this?" The man grinned sheepishly. "I was meant to pick some up over the weekend but it completely slipped my mind. Then this morning, as I woke up to feed Smaug, I remembered that I was running out. So I figured, might as well go to the store downstairs early to pick this up for my boy, y'know?"

Ashe perked up at that; he adored cats, and loved hearing about people gushing about their pets. "You named your cat Smaug?"

“Yeah, he’s an absolute beast. It’s a sick name, right? My friend Linny lent me his copy of The Hobbit one summer, and the thought of having a cat with a dragon name sort of stuck with me.”

“Yes, it is indeed… sick,” he replied. “Actually, I named my cat Kryphon after a character from a book too. Have you heard of Loog and the Maiden of the Wind, by any chance?”

“Nope,” the man said, popping the ‘p’ emphatically. The doors to the elevator opened, and he gestured for Ashe to go ahead. “But that sounds cool. So, uh… what’s your name, then? Kinda backwards that we know each other’s cats’ names first.”

“Oh, I’m Ashe,” he said, as they both stopped right outside the reception door, and immediately wanted to swallow his tongue. Why, oh why, did he let his real name slip out?

“Caspar,” the man replied with a grin. “I’d shake your hand, but-” he gestured wildly at Ashe’s current, encumbered state. “Actually, I’ll get the door for you.”

“Thanks for that.” They continued to chat for a few minutes, swapping stories and laughing about their pets.

“You said you were working in Development? I’m one of the client brokers, so we probably won’t be running into each other that much, other than grabbing lunch together,” Caspar said, and he seemed genuinely bummed out by it. Ashe was also a little disappointed; under different circumstances, like one where he wasn’t pretending to break into their office, he would’ve loved to get to know the Adrestia employee better. _Preferably, over a nice cup of coffee,_ a sly voice that sounded too much like Sylvain added in his mind.

“Yep, I’m reporting directly under Mr. von Vestra.”

“Mister… oh, you mean Hubert. Yeah, he’s not gonna be in ‘til the afternoon, he was called away to our other office in Brigid today. I’m not sure who in the team you could talk to about getting set up…”

Which Ashe was counting on, of course, thanks to all the eavesdropping their team did on some of Adrestia’s louder employees on their lunch breaks. Pretending to work under the CIO was risky, but it would immediately handwave any suspicion for Ashe to be caught in the server room.

“... but Edelgard knows everything Hubert knows, and vice versa, so maybe she knows what’s what. Hey, Edelgard, over here!”

What Ashe didn’t count on was his new companion waving over the CEO of the very company he was infiltrating.

“Ashe here is starting today, but Hubert isn’t gonna be here to get him settled in or instruct him what to do.”

Edelgard raised an eyebrow at him. “And you think I, the head of all operations in this firm, have nothing better to do?” She turned to properly look at Ashe - he was unsure whether he was imagining things from the absolute nerves that have taken over him by now, but he thought he saw a flicker of recognition in her eyes before resuming her rather stern countenance.

“Well, no, but you do know more about Hubert’s projects more than anyone else in the office.”

“Very well, then. Ashe, was it? Come along with me.”

And Ashe truly thought he was in deep shit, until Edelgard had closed the door to her office behind him and beckoned him closer, only to take the box of pastries from him. “So Dimitri chose today for you to come over,” she began, critically inspecting the donuts with her calculating gaze.

“Erm… yes?”

“I won’t come rescue you a second time. It would’ve been a success for us if Caspar had caught the attention of one of the senior developers, but I do want to see how this would play out if you weren’t caught practically at the front door,” she continued. “Adrestia… I want it to thrive, to be free from corruption and negative influence once more. I want to trust in the people I work with, to know that they’re doing their best.”

“I… I understand that,” he replied. Dimitri’s praise for his ex-stepsister was not unfounded; Edelgard was smart and commandeering, but also played fair, and Ashe was rather thankful he had been granted a reprieve rather than being sent back on a technicality.

“Anyway, that is all the help I’ll be offering you.” She plucked a bear claw from the pastry box, the corners of her lips quirking up in a slight smile. “Good luck, Ashe. May the best company win.”

\------

Caspar made his usual way across to the section of cubicles his best friend, Linhardt, usually plopped himself in for the work day. After several hours of mid-morning gabbing and talking shop with his clients, he was ready to take a small breather, unwind right before lunch, talk about nothing in particular to a nodding off Linhardt. Although today… perhaps he _did_ have a particular topic in mind.

He had to admit, he probably wasn’t what most people envisioned as a typical worker in the finance industry; heck, Caspar himself had thought for most of his life that he was suited toward a more casual, active career, one where he wouldn't be stuck inside from 9 to 5, where he didn’t have to get his daily exercise from running from his apartment complex to his office building.

Caspar may be loud and outspoken, and prone to act before thinking, but that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, even in a serious environment like Adrestia fostered. He wasn’t the brightest bulb, but his clients and boss loved his earnest attitude and transparency, and how determined he was to never let them down. In some ways, Caspar was almost physically unable to; he couldn’t stand for injustices to continue in the world for anyone, and wherever money went, injustice and evil were certain to follow.

So Caspar continued to work, and thrive in Adrestia’s environment, despite the apparent mismatch. His life was arguably, fuller than most - he worked at a place he loved, with friends that he loved, lived with the coolest cat in the world…

But at times he looked at his friend Linhardt, and how he couldn’t help his smile whenever he stared at his lockscreen picture of his boyfriend, Byleth. Or how sometimes, Dorothea would get a Skope message from Petra, who was working a whole city away, and melt back in her chair in happiness. Or from peeking at Bernadetta’s screen when she switched windows to work at her romance novel, before she notices him, locks the screen with a shriek, and kicks him out of the cubicle. And he thought… maybe it would be nice to add one more thing in his life.

“So, uh, how’s our dev team going? Great, right? Now that you got new team members?” he probed.

“I wouldn’t know anything about it,” Linhardt replied without looking away from his monitor. He was on Skope, sending Sawit memes to one of his external contacts in… Leicester, he believed?

“Seriously, Lin?”

“I’m helpdesk, not a dev.” He paused to stifle a yawn. “What do you want with them anyway? Is one of your clients bothering you about their app glitching out?”

“Nah, nothing like that, it’s… there was this new guy I met on the team, Ashe. There was something to him that… I dunno. He likes adventure books, and cats, and- hey, what’s so funny?” he asked, puzzled at Linhardt’s bemused expression.

“Oh, nothing at all. At any rate, I’ve never met him nor heard of him. I barely talk with Hubert, let alone anyone on his dev team. Although,” he mused, “I suppose Dorothea might know something about it. Maybe she was even the one to interview him, or something.”

Caspar pounded his fist in his open palm, elated. “Lin, that’s genius! Let’s go!”

“What, me too? But I’m not done looking at this Sawit thread…”

\------

“Cas, Linnie! How lucky for me, to get a visit from my two favourite boys,” Dorothea said, beaming up at them from her stack of paperwork.

“Funny. I thought Ferdinand was your favourite,” Linhardt replied dryly, stifling another yawn.

“Not today.” She grimaced. “You’d think from the way he’s been moping all day that he actually misses getting to argue with Hubie over… whatever flavour of the week that’s got them in a bind.”

“As your substitute favourite boy, can I ask a favour from you?” Caspar asked, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

“An ulterior motive, from you, Cas?” Dorothea clutched at her blouse in mock affrontation. “Why, I never thought I’d see the day! So, what’s up?”

“So there is this new guy here…”

“Yeah? Is he cute?” Dorothea asked teasingly.

“... Yeah.”

Dorothea looked genuinely surprised at his response. “Wow, Cas, look at you, taking an interest in someone. So you want me to get the tea on him? No leaking numbers though, you’ll have to work for that yourself.”

“Wh- of course not! Just tell me a little bit more about him. You must have interviewed him or something, right?”

“I probably did, yes. What’s his name?”  
“Ashe.”

“Ashe… Ashe… no, I don’t remember talking to or recruiting any Ashe.”

“Huh,” Caspar said, perplexed. “Grey hair, green eyes?”

“Nope, doesn’t ring a bell,” she replied, shaking her head. “Lemme try looking him up. Ashe, Ashe…” She typed on her keyboard, a cacophony of clacking as manicured nails hit keys. “No records found. Maybe different spelling?” She tried again, frowning as no records popped up again.

“Are you sure he wasn’t just an office visitor or something?” Linhardt suggested to a now distressed Caspar.

“No, he definitely said that he was part of the dev team… but why would he say that…” Caspar muttered, his eye catching the little snake statue on Ferdinand’s desk (“Your very own snake singing an aria,” Dorothea had said, teasingly flaunting her Secret Santa gift to their flustered Head of Operations). _Wait… snake… slither… Those Who Slither In The Dark?_

“Imposter…” he mumbled.

“Sorry, what?”

“He’s an imposter!” Caspar suddenly shouted. “I have to stop him!” Edelgard wasn’t just a boss, she was a friend as well; he remembered the hardships she had to overcome, the long nights of system and company restructuring she had to do to completely purge the threats to Adrestia. It couldn’t happen, not again. He dashed off, in hot pursuit of Ashe, whoever he may be!

Dorothea and Linhardt exchanged looks. “Well, this can’t be good,” she remarked.

Linhardt sighed. “I suppose we should follow him.”

\------

It almost scared Ashe, how much he still retained from his days on the streets. Walking around with a casual front, while inconspicuously casing the office for a sign of the server room, and, while the majority of workers were off to try and beat the lunchtime rush, picked at the lock and managed to get the door open in almost record time.

“Well, this is it,” he muttered to himself. At this point in time, all he had to do was take a photo of himself in the room as evidence, then wrap up and get out before anyone notices. He pushed the door open gingerly, deflating in relief as it didn’t creak loudly to give away his position. He took one step in-

-and promptly ate carpet, with a yelp, as a force knocked him down onto the ground. Pain rushed to his core and hands, which had taken the brunt of the damage. His arms were grabbed at and forced behind his back by his assailant. “What- hey?!” was all he could utter in his panic.

“I got you now, dastard!” shouted a familiar voice.

“Caspar?!” he exclaimed, trying to twist out from under him. “What are you doing?! Get off!”

“No way! You’re not going anywhere,” Caspar replied angrily. “You’re an imposter, you don’t work here! What were you doing in here anyway? Trying to hack into our system, you evil… hack!”

“Cas? Where ar- oh, Goddess!” a woman’s voice exclaimed. 

“Well, this is unexpected,” came another, dry voice.

“What are you doing? Stop! Oh, where the hell is Edie?!”

“Grey hair… and green eyes. I see now.”

“C’mon, pick up, pick up- Lin, what are you doing, get him off the guy!”

“I don’t know, that seems like a lot of work… plus when Caspar gets like this, there’s no stopping him.”

“What?” Ashe cried, continuing to struggle against the man’s hold on him.

“Yes, Edie, are you out? Well, we got an issue back here! … Caspar, this time. Okay, get here as soon as you can.”

\------

Edelgard looked about as exhausted as Ashe felt, sitting in her big chair across from the two of them, eying Caspar wearily. “So in summary,” she said, “I have no idea what to say to you. Absolutely speechless. Because on the one hand, you assaulted our security consultant. But on the other hand, you did technically protect our company assets if it were a real life situation, albeit in a way that breaches our employee code of conduct.”

“That’s an awful lot of words for someone that’s speechless,” Caspar responded. He had taken Edelgard’s and Ashe’s explanation quite well and without much question, but now seemed rather down.

She pinched the space between her brows, exasperated. “I’m so done. I need to report this all to Hubert before he gets back.” Turning to address Ashe, she continued with, “I hope this experience doesn’t completely sully your view of our company.” She stepped out, phone in hand, wordlessly stepping around Dorothea, who slipped into the office in just as she closed the door behind her.

“Hey guys,” she said, flashing a strained smile between the two of them. “How are you both doing?”

“What are you doing here, Dorothea?” Caspar asked, perplexed.

“Well, as you know, Cas, we have this company policy in place where if two employees are in conflict, they are to have a mandatory mediator in case the situation escalates to… include legal repercussions.”

_Was she talking about a lawsuit?_ Ashe supposed that might’ve been a sound idea, were he a pettier man, and not already crushed by the weight of his student loans.

“Oh, I see.” Caspar’s expression soured once more, and he turned away from Ashe sulkily. “Well I have nothing to say to him.”

Dorothea blinked. “Well, alright, I can’t force you to talk. Ashe, how about y-”

“It’s just,” Caspar interjected, turning to face Ashe once more, hurt in his eyes, “I get that you’re doing all this for good and stuff, it’s just… well, I’m so lost. Was everything you told me a lie?”

“My name really _is_ Ashe,” he replied, feeling guilty at how disappointed Caspar was. “And I really do love cats. A lot. Especially the one I live with. And I do love adventure stories. And I _really_ did want to get to know you better…” Wait, he never did say that last part out loud to Caspar, who was now openly staring at him. Flustered, Ashe finished off with, “So really, all I did was lie about the whole working in this firm thing. Which isn’t a small thing to lie about, mind you-”

“Prove it,” Caspar said suddenly.

“W-what?”

Caspar leaned in closer to him, gaze intense. “Prove that you love cats. I’m going to take you to the cat cafe a couple of blocks from here. If you can resist cuddling with even one of them, that means you’re truly evil.” His face slowly broke out in a grin.

Ashe grinned back. “Challenge accepted,” he replied with a laugh.

**Author's Note:**

> yell at me about cat dads @ https://twitter.com/kowaiakias if you want
> 
> if you're wondering where the Golden Deer kids were... may I suggest my marihilda fic which is set in the same universe: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20973104


End file.
